lionkingcmsl | Fresh Start

First of all I apologize to all my friends that I "put off" with my last post and disappearance.

I had a long talk with one of my "Friends!", last night, who happens to be a lion and a man (fur?) of the cloth. The Gneech knows whom I'm talking about.

He understood what I am going through and told me that maybe I'm too "sensitive", which is not a bad thing. It's my sensitivity that allows me to help other people/furs. It's that that same sensitivity also builds up inside me and, at times, my "logical" side, which in the deepest depression can analyze what is wrong with me, can't overcome my "emotional" side. I guess it's a battle that'll wage until the end, which I pray is in the distant future.

It's that same sensitivity that made me storm out of Mickey D's on Tuesday. I cared about what happened to the store. In that case there was a physical person to whom I could direct my anger and frustration. Other times there is no physical person and I get upset at what I see is a lack of "validation" of my being, when in reality I need none.

As LionkingCMSL, from my stories, has his inner battles between his "wild" and "civil" sides, I have a battle between my "logical" and "emotional" side. I guess that could very easily translate to "logical" = "civil" and "emotional" = "wild".

One thing, I believe, that gets most people/furs is that I can be in deep depression and still crack jokes. Case in point: Last night my friend said, "Trouble is that you can't see what's in front of you." To which I immediately replied, "Yes, I can. It's a bicycle." (One of my two bicycles is stored in my living room. I live in a small cottage with limited storage space.) He laughed and said, "You're incorrigible." I also laughed and told him he could "incorrige" me at any time.

It's also that "gift" that allows me to help others, even if I'm in a deep depression. I put my feelings/problems on "hold" to help those that need it. I can't turn my back to my friends in "need". I guess that's the "lion" in me "protecting" his "pride".

So I ask my friends to bear with me. I mean harm to no-one, even unintentionally.

I hope the above helps "you" understand what I've been going through.