Update

[lionkingcmsl]

I'm still here.

Things are a bit better.

I'll admit that the finances are a major part of my problem, but, as those who have talked to me know, a part of it is that I'm lonely as hell.

Yes, I know I have you out there, but I need someone here, with me. ;=/

Get your mind out of the gutter. :=3

I mean for companionship, among other things.

For all those "out there" I must thank all of you who made the posts and the various comments. I read them all and the e-mails I got. I did break down and cry when I read some of them, as I did not realize how many I have touched, if even in a fleeting way. I also thank those that did try to get a hold of me by phone. While I did not pick up the phone I heard all that you said and it did touch me. I did answer the phone for a few, most notably raja_laba_laba, aka Chik'ki. Even in my state, I knew that he was calling from "Merry ol' England" and to let him just talk to the answering machine would be the height of rudness and ignorance on my part. Something I will not tolerate in myself, even in the depths of deep depression.

So, while I'm probably not going to do anything irreversible, I'm still not "happy, happy - joy, joy".

For those that are thinking of trying to contact me tomorrow (Sat.) or the next day (Sun.), I'll remind you that I won't be home because I'm running the bridge at the RR.

I also have very limited long distance calling options here, at home, with my cell phone being shut off.

Also, if you do try to call and get the answering machine, I may or may not pick up. It will depend on my mood.

I will probably not contact anyone for a few days until my state of mind improves.

Finally, kevinpease (aka Cerulean of Absurd Notions) did contact the local PD today. Funny thing is if they had waited about 5 minutes more I would've been in the bath tub taking a soak. :=3

So, you could say I'm on the mend.

EDIT: To those that may think this was a way to garner attention to myself, I assure you it was not. I won't go into detail, but I was very prepared to go into the long night.

Comments

[mooncat.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'll be away next week but I will have my cell phone with me.

I also fully expect to see you at the next Jadeclaw game. Or else.

*more hugs*

[joeygatorman.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear you’re feeling all right, LK. (*hug*)

-G

Gads

[silverfoxmzdm.livejournal.com]

Don't do that again. Scared me enough to make me do the same as your friend as far as contacting the local police to check up on you.

Understand that there are folks out here that care allot about you.

[galish.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Remember we all care.

[yaochi.livejournal.com]

*Much Hugs* I am so relieved. You do have friends LK.

[voychael.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight* Glad to hear your still fighting on. ^^

[hallan.livejournal.com]

Yahoo! *does the Happy Kitty Dance over you not leaving*

Hallan

PS- There are VERY few people I would publically dance the Happy Kitty Dance for. You're one of them.

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

Whew. Good. Very good. I know it's not your time to talk with the Gipper just yet.

[quickcasey.livejournal.com]

Hey, we care about you. I'm one of those you had a fleeting encounter with. We met at the 2003 MFF. From one railroading fur to another; hang in there, I've been there, done that. Umm, won't go into detail here, I'll send you an e-mail. Give me a bit. Take care.
Casey

[skipai.livejournal.com]

I am so relieved to hear this. I can cancel that flight over now ;) But seriously I would've done that and well you know it as well.

I fully understand those feelings also of loniness and how it affects the mood of one-self.

However, hmmm. Lucky they didn't have a film crew with them or that would've been in... *nope, must get mind out of gutter* *coughs* Sorry :)

I will give you another call sometime this weekend and if not it be monday. And stop worrying about how much it cost me. It's far cheaper to call the US than it is to do it the other way.

But if you don't want to pick up, that's fine. I leave a message and try again another day.

Take care friend. *hugs*

[ceruleanst.livejournal.com]

Okay, I think you've finally convinced me, but please remember that depression on this scale is too big to handle by yourself. It won't just go away. I hope you'll look into getting some help with it, pro or not.

It's tired old saying, but where there's life, there's hope. If I can catch a woman, you certainly can.

[xander-zzyzx.livejournal.com]

*Hugs tight*

I'm glad to hear things are going a bit better for you, I hope that these troubles of yours can get cleared up for you soon. :)

[the-lizard-rat.livejournal.com]

*teleports in* All I can do is echo what everyone else has said here --- I liked what I read of your posts in the_gneech's SJ forums before you left --- I had no idea you were that depressed, as it were, given what I've been reading here. I *know* the feelings. I feel like that all the time. Good to see you're feeling better though.

Here's hoping the train has finally left Hell after a long series of delays and is on its way to Eden.

Lizard Rat out.
Glad You're Still Here in New Haven CT

[lady-anne.livejournal.com]

Good evening. We haven't 'met', but I see your entries when I browse through Level_Head's friends.

I just want you to know we're thinking of you - we hope that the 'silver lining' shows up quickly.

Meantime, stay well - The Lady, Anne

[le-loup-peint.livejournal.com]

*offers a hugs, if accepted*

I am so relieved to see a post from you. No, we do not know each other well- more like we know of each other. But you mean a lot to my tiger, and by extension me.

He has been keeping me informed of the phone calls. Even his redial OOPSIE :)

Please take care, know I have dealt with serious financial debt- even had to go to a lawyer and court. So I understand that aspect. And I understand the lonelinnes. While my tiger is amazing about phone calls, it is still lonely.

I know you have others who you feel more comfy with, but just know my email (on my user info page) is always open.

*offers another hug*

[roland-scythe.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm....don't really blame ya. After all, sometimes when the world seems like a depressing and scary place the best cure is to have some one else who's eyes you can look at it through.

There's a way out of most anything...

[haystack.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you've chosen to try to find your way out of this.

[telbert.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that you're starting to turn things around, LionKing. I can speak from direct experience as far as deep debt is concerned. Compared to what my brother and I have faced, $2000 is not that much. Like I said in reply to one of your previous posts, there are are credit counseling services who can go to bat for you. Usually, creditors will deal with a counseling agency, because they know that if you go to bankruptcy, they might get NOTHING from you. But if they are willing to cut a deal, they'll eventually get what you owe them over time.

Be well, LionKing, and remember that you have friends here who will help you however they can =0)

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly* You scared us, lion. Scared us mightily. I'd call, but I don't know the number and I don't want to give you a higher bill.

If there's something I can do, let me know.

[twoolfe.livejournal.com]

"So, you could say I'm on the mend."
Glad to hear it, Very glad. I don't have so many friends that I can afford to lose one...
Be kind to yourself.
T.
drop me a line if you feel comfortable with it.

Just another Jersey girl.

[ivymcallister.livejournal.com]

Hello and good thoughts from someone you don't know from Adam. I'm so glad that your frame of mind is improving. Take care of yourself, and don't forget to ask for help if you need it.

*hugs*
~`~Ivy~,~

[shishiosa.livejournal.com]

Only those that are clueless would think it was a call for attention in a negative way LK.

I'm glad to hear you're on the mend and that what little we did for you helped.

[silverfoxmzdm.livejournal.com]

And you thought you didn't have friends. Nutty feline. Now get some tea and remember we all love you very much. HUGS from this ole' Coon Ass down south in Hillbilly country.