Update

[lionkingcmsl]

I'm still here.

Things are a bit better.

I'll admit that the finances are a major part of my problem, but, as those who have talked to me know, a part of it is that I'm lonely as hell.

Yes, I know I have you out there, but I need someone here, with me. ;=/

Get your mind out of the gutter. :=3

I mean for companionship, among other things.

For all those "out there" I must thank all of you who made the posts and the various comments. I read them all and the e-mails I got. I did break down and cry when I read some of them, as I did not realize how many I have touched, if even in a fleeting way. I also thank those that did try to get a hold of me by phone. While I did not pick up the phone I heard all that you said and it did touch me. I did answer the phone for a few, most notably raja_laba_laba, aka Chik'ki. Even in my state, I knew that he was calling from "Merry ol' England" and to let him just talk to the answering machine would be the height of rudness and ignorance on my part. Something I will not tolerate in myself, even in the depths of deep depression.

So, while I'm probably not going to do anything irreversible, I'm still not "happy, happy - joy, joy".

For those that are thinking of trying to contact me tomorrow (Sat.) or the next day (Sun.), I'll remind you that I won't be home because I'm running the bridge at the RR.

I also have very limited long distance calling options here, at home, with my cell phone being shut off.

Also, if you do try to call and get the answering machine, I may or may not pick up. It will depend on my mood.

I will probably not contact anyone for a few days until my state of mind improves.

Finally, kevinpease (aka Cerulean of Absurd Notions) did contact the local PD today. Funny thing is if they had waited about 5 minutes more I would've been in the bath tub taking a soak. :=3

So, you could say I'm on the mend.

EDIT: To those that may think this was a way to garner attention to myself, I assure you it was not. I won't go into detail, but I was very prepared to go into the long night.

Comments

[ceruleanst.livejournal.com]

Okay, I think you've finally convinced me, but please remember that depression on this scale is too big to handle by yourself. It won't just go away. I hope you'll look into getting some help with it, pro or not.

It's tired old saying, but where there's life, there's hope. If I can catch a woman, you certainly can.